Death Match: Darth Vader versus Wolverine

By Thomas Kummer

Gladiators fight for glory and fame, but here at The First Launch, a “Death Match” is a way to settle who is right, and who is a weakling masquerading as a “big boy.”  In this edition, we ask, who would win: Sith Lord Darth Vader, or the X-Man Wolverine?

To understand the dynamics of this epic duel, we need to identify the contestants.  Who is Darth Vader?  Where was he born?  Is he really ready for a fight like this?  

According to Wookieepedia, the Star Wars’ wiki, Darth Vader was born Anakin Skywalker on the planet Tatooine to Shmi Skywalker without a father, as he was conceived by the force.  Skywalker was said to be the most powerful Jedi ever until all his limbs were cut off and roasted by the Savage Obi-Wan Kenobi after their legendary conflict on the lava planet Mustafar.  

Following this little set back, Darth Vader was placed in a suit to keep him alive and breathing until his death 23 years later.  Vader is equipped with his signature Red Lightsaber as well as the mystical pdarth-vaderower of the force.  Being a master, Lord Vader can manipulate the force to choke others, jump large distances, or pull and push objects across great distances.  Vader also has the ability of precognition and force sight, which means he can see what happens before the opponent even makes a move and he can see in the dark.

Wolverine, on the other hand, is a mutant from the Marvel universe born with three bone claws on each hand and a “healing factor,” which allows him to rapidly heal any injury.  According to the Marvel Wikia, he was born James Howlett in Alberta Canada in the late 1800s.  In the 1950s, “Wolverine” was tested on in the Weapon X program and had the indestructible metal adamantium bonded to his skeleton.  Wolverine, being a animal psychopath, killed all the scientist and ran away until Charles Xavier of the X-men found and rescued him.  

Sophomore basketball player Josh Montague disagrees with the notion that Wolverine is a murderer: “He seems like a good guy, I like him.”wolverinex-menapocalpse

Wolverine is an accomplished fighter and has mastered 15 forms of martial arts by virtue of being in the CIA, X-men, and a samurai.  He is also known as a master marksman, after decades in the army, and a master swordsman, from his days as a samurai in Japan.  Being a mutant, his biology his higher than the average human, but Wolverine is known to have even more heightened abilities than other superheroes.  He is able to bench press two tons, move faster than the eye can follow, and extremely acute senses even surpassing the “spidey sense.”  The only weakness this beast has is decapitation or severe spinal damage, as he needs his brain to heal or sense.    

Of course in a battle to the death, one challenger must die and one will reign victorious, and my job is to wade through the garbage opinions of some people and determine a winner.  Darth Vader’s main advantage in the fight is his range, and is able to damage Wolverine from a distance.  

Senior Nick Gould says, “It’s close, but I’d go with Darth Vader.  He has the force to keep Wolverine still and chop him up.”

On the other hand, Wolverine needs to be up close and personal to do some harm.  

Personally, as a Wolverine expert and aficionado, I believe if he were able to get his hands on Darth, the fight would be over in an instant.  Easier said than done however, Force pushes and chokes are very hard to overcome even with superhuman speed and strength.  With this in mind in a standard gladiator match in an open arena, Darth Vader would win handily from a distance.  In any other situation, like a dark dungeon underneath Cloud City, I believe Wolverine would be superior even with Vader’s precognition.  Wolverine is an animal and a master fighter who could rip Darth Vader to shreds with his claws, he just needs to get in close proximity.

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