Urinal Bandit remains at large?

by Myles Ribeiro

 A mystery continues to develop at North Attleboro High School. Rumors persist about an anonymous student putting objects in the men’s bathroom, stirring up a frenzy. The mysterious figure responds to the title “Urinal Bandit”. What is this act for? Who is this person? Where is this elusive Urinal Bandit, and what motivates him? This story has ruled the school rumor mill for months, as more evidence comes forth. Glaring evidence reached an all-time high last week, with the sighting of a note by the supposed bathroom bandit. 

     When the school year started in September, many things were different. Students entered the school in full capacity for the first time since March of 2020. Sophomores and freshmen experienced their first taste of the real high school lifestyle and the urinals got clogged with a multitude of items. The situation quickly became a polarizing and developing topic and it felt like everyone had an opinion on it. “It was an ongoing thing. Every day when you entered the senior bathroom something was somewhere it did not belong,” an anonymous source relayed. “Erasers, food, you name an item you can find in this school and one of it was probably in a urinal at some point. It was becoming a problem for some and a joke for others. I even heard some of the kids who vape in the bathrooms ratted the kid out.”      

     After the latest event orchestrated by the Urinal Bandit(s), a note was found at the scene of the crime. The perpetrator explained their motives and made nods and demands to the administration. They described their actions as “fun” and made nods to the amount of items and variety of items that were inserted into the urinals. The overarching theme of the note included improvements that needed to be made in the building, including the quality of the school lunch. The writer also claimed that other Urinal Bandit’s existed. “Punish me and 10 more will take my place. Close the bathrooms and the UB’s terror will stretch upon the entire school.” The writer also left their name in decoded symbols at the bottom of the page.

   The school rumors have run wild as the population tries to figure out who the ominous “Urinal Bandit” is. “I’m not the urinal bandit, and even if I was I wouldn’t tell you,” a heavily rumored suspect commented when asked about the matter. As more information comes out, more people take stances on the matter. “I feel like the actions of the bandit are funny but childish,” an anonymous source remarked. “If I could ask a question, I’d want to know who they are and how they stole the oranges. They should be punished lightly but forced to apologize to the lunch ladies.” 

     Clearly, the opinions on the Urinal Bandit, their actions, and their identity are varied amongst the school population. Personally, I recognize that the Urinal Bandit’s actions were disruptive to the school community. However, these actions also brought lots of attention to problems that the Bandit(s) found important. Awareness is a hard thing to bring about in a school environment, and this brought about lots of eyes. I think the Bandit(s) and the administrators should sit down and discuss the issues that plague the school to reach a better understanding. Punishment for the Bandit is inevitable, but as of now the Bandit remains at large. 

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